For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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