Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
