Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
