It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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