Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
