After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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