The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
