You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
