At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
