well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think your dad took our porno
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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