I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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