wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
