Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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