the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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