Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
