Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
