I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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