Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
FUCK WHALES
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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