forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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