you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
