im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
my poor anus
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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