you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
