I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
