literally had 100 drinks last night.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
