hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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