Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
