The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
