Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i need some magic done to my vagina
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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