the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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