i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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