its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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