Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize