its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
