She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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