i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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