I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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