Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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