I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
