dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
