Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
