Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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