Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
