so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
