I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
