I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
