A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
