...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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