my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
