Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
