So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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