Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize