I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
