look no pants
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
