I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
