You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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