need another drink. this is the easiest way
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
