I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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