I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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