kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I deserve this hangover.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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