Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
