When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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