My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize